Perfectly imperfect
by Weallmadhere
Summary: Quinn and Rachel had been together since they were 15 but after 4 years Quinn's drug addiction ended up destroying their relationship, 6 years later they see each other again and old feelings come back... Faberry.
1. Prologue

"I don´t think you quite understand everything you mean to me Rachel", she said with tears in her eyes "you´re my whole fucking world, I can´t even imagine my life without you anymore" her voice cracked "I love you like I didn´t know it was possible to love and that´s the scariest thing that have ever happened to me… I feel like I can´t be properly alive if you´re not around, it actually hurts to breath because I feel like my chest is so full of love and I´m terrified Rachel, I need you to understand that you´re all I have, all that matters to me…".

She kneeled in front of the love of her life "I´m freaking… Rach, I´m freaking out because if you decide to walk away from me my whole world will crash, nothing will have a meaning anymore, and it won´t matter if my body still works because I´ll be death inside anyway" she cleaned her face "please baby! Please don´t leave me!" she begged wrapping her arms around her girlfriend´s knees crying her eyes out "help me, help me Rachel please brownie I need you! Don´t leave me alone… I´m so sorry, I´m sorry baby, please don´t leave me" she said burying her face between her girlfriend´s legs, Rachel caressed her hair and kneeled in front of her, cleaning the tears of her almost ex lovers face and propping kisses all over her beautiful face.

"I can´t do this anymore Quinn" she whispered "I just can´t, it´s too much, you´ve promised me a thousand times that you´re going to change, that this time will be different but it never is" she caressed the cheek of the broken angel in front of her and sobbed, it really hurt to leave the love of her life, it hurt to leave all the love she had ever known but she had to, she got up and grabbed her suitcase "be happy love" she said, opened de door and left.

"Rachel!" Quinn cried out…

Quinn got up the floor her legs were shaky and her hands were trembling, she felt empty, broken, like she was about to die, She couldn´t feel her heart beating inside her chest anymore, she wanted to be dead, like actually dead, she didn´t want to feel this way, she didn´t want to be hurting this bad, she was so angry, so pissed with herself, she wanted it all to be fucking over already so she opened her nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, a little crystalline bag with bright white powder and another bag with pills and weed, she made herself a cigarette with paper, rolled it expertly and began smoking, took the bottle with her shaky left hand and drank half of it at once, her throat burned but she wanted to forget, to drown her pain, she wanted this to be over, nothing in her life was worth a thing anymore, she dropped the content of the cocaine bag on the top of her nightstand, pulled out a dollar bill of her pocket and sniffed, she felt dizzy but she couldn´t bring herself to care, she put five pills on her mouth and drown them with the rest of the bottle, she didn´t know when the world got so fucked, she didn´t know when she became the person she was now, everything was black, she couldn´t feel, she couldn´t see.

She woke up with drops of cold water hitting her whole body, she shivered, tried to cover herself but it was impossible, her eyes felt heavy she couldn´t open them, she heard a distant familiar voice.

"Fuck Quinn just wake up already bitch, don´t do this to me!" she heard then felt her left cheek burn with pain, she opened her eyes, Santana was in front of her, she could see tears on her face or maybe it was the water she didn't know, everything was so white now, she couldn´t make out what was happening, Santana grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her body furiously.

"Stop" Quinn breathed out, her mouth was dry and her body felt numb, Santana turned the shower off and took Quinn´s broken body to her bed.

"What the fuck were you thinking Quinn? You could´ve died!" Santana screamed, Quinn´s brain filled with memories… memories of Rachel, tears fell down her cheeks, she shook her head and now she remembered it clearly, she wanted to die.

"She left me Santana… I lost her, I don´t want to be here anymore, what´s the fucking point of being alive if I lost the love of my life" Quinn sobbed, Santana was pissed, scared and her heart broke instantly, it hurt to see her best friend like that, Quinn was sick, she needed help and on top of it all she was brokenhearted, she put her arms around the blonde´s shoulders and let her cry on her chest.

"It´s ok you´re going to be ok" she said as she ran soothing circles on her back, Quinn shook her head and cried...


	2. new beginnings

Quinn was sitting on her leather couch sipping on her morning coffee and watching the morning news, her apartment filled with cinnamon and vanilla smells, New York was starting to get cold so she had a blanket over her legs, she could almost smell the fall, her cellphone ringed on the coffee table bringing her out of her thoughts, she picked it up and smiled.

"Santana" she heard the other girl sigh, she was annoying sometimes of course but she didn't know what would have happened to her if it wasn't for this girl, she had a special place in her heart, she always will.

"Hey Q" Quinn frowned and after a long silence the brunette spoke again "I don't know how to say this Quinn, I would rather do it in person but I can't you know how it goes with Brittany, the job and the kid I barely have time to do anything and I"

"Just say it San, what's wrong?" she heard her best friend take a deep breath.

"Hiram" Santana cleared her throat "Rachel's dad died last night, Kurt called Brittany ten minutes ago, I just thought you should know because I know that once they were like your parents too and Quinn..." The blonde stopped listening, her stomach dropped to her knees, she felt the air escaping her lungs, her mouth was dry, she hadn't heard about Rachel or her dads in years and now he was dead one of the most important men in her life was gone, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to say, she couldn't move, she couldn't breath "Quinn!" she heard her friend scream, she blinked a few times and swallowed hard.

"How?" was the only word that left her mouth.

"Cancer, they found out months ago it was pretty fast" Quinn's tears were falling freely down her face, she placed her coffee on the table and put her hand on her stomach she was going to be sick.

"Where?" the word left her mouth with a cracking on her throat.

"Lima, do you..." She knew what the question was going to be so she just followed her heart and answered.

"Yeah" it was a silent agreement she didn't need to say a lot around Santana because she just got her.

"I'll make a few calls and we'll pick you up in around two hours" Quinn nodded even though Santana couldn't see her.

"Thank you San" The blonde whispered.

"Anytime Q" she clicked the end button of her phone and she ran to the bathroom and emptied her stomach in the white sink throw some cold water at her face then looked up straight into her eyes in the mirror, it had been six years since she last saw those endless brown eyes, it had been five and a half years since she last took a drug, it had been 6 and half years since she last saw her second set of parents, her eyes filled with tears, she couldn't believe it, he couldn't be death, not before she had a chance to apologize, to explain, to tell him she loved him, her knees gave up and she fell to the floor curled up in a ball and sobbed, endless memories ran through her mind.

After a few minutes she cleaned her face gathered enough strenght to get up and turn on the shower, strip her clothes off and let the water soothe her muscles and wash a little of her guilt away.

* * *

><p>She was putting her earings on when she heard the doorbell ring, she ran and opened it, Brittany's arms were instantly around her, she buried her face on the crook of her neck and cried again.<p>

Santana was standing in the living room with her son on her hip, with a worried look on her face.

"You didn't do anything stupid, did you?" she asked and Quinn smiled for the first time in hours and shook her head.

"No" she whispered and let Brittany go, walked toward her best friend and kissed the little blonde head of his nephew.

"Good" Santana said as Quinn took the baby in her arms.

"Let's go, it's impossible to get plane tickets so we have a long road ahead of us, we better get moving" Quinn nodded her chest contracting, they went down she put the baby safe in his car seat got her bags in the trunk and climbed in the car.

Almost seven years had passed since she was last in Lima, her mind was a mess, she heard her phone ringing in her bag and her stomach dropped, stupid work she thought.

"Jenna" she said, her voice was hoarse.

"Are you sick?" she heard her boss say.

"No, not really I just, I had a problem and I am going to... I'm going out of the city"

"What? No, no you can't we have this huge exhibition coming and the meeting, the book and you can't be serious" Quinn took a deep breath and leaned her head on the car seat.

"I am serious, I am so sorry Jenna but this" she took a deep breath "this is more important than anything"

"What could be more important than your career Quinn, you've worked your ass up for this and now you're running out? do you know how many people are interested in your work, do you know how much money I have on this, you have to be here do you hear me Quinn, you have to" The blonde sighed.

"I am sorry Jenna" she said and hung up, her phone instantly rang up again so she just turned it off.

"Are you ok?" Santana asked looking at her through the rearview mirror.

"I am fine" the brunette nodded and put her eyes back on the road.

Quinn focused on the little boy beside her she wanted to spend her time watching, feeding and playing with her nephew, being around Matthew always made her forget things, and God she needed a distraction right now.

* * *

><p>8 hours later they parked in front of her parents house, her heart was beating fast inside her chest, her hands were shaking and her mouth was dry, she swallowed hard and climbed off the car.<p>

Santana opened the trunk for her and Quinn shook her head.

"I don't think I can't do this San I haven't seen my parents in years and... I just I can't handle this" Santana placed her hands on her shoulders and looked at her straight in the eyes.

"Listen to me Quinn you are a fucking superhero, you escaped the black hole you were in, you overcome your addiction, you graduated on top of your class, you became one of the most important writers and photographers in the city so get your shit together, you got this!" Quinn nodded took a deep breath and turned around, her mother was standing on the porch her right hand on her mouth, Quinn walked toward her and saw her crying.

"Quinnie" she whispered "God you really are here" she felt her mother's arms around her for the first time in years "I have missed you so much baby, you have no idea this is the best surprise God I love you, I love you so much" the blonde buried her head on her mother's neck, she smiled it was still the same smell, her mother always smelled like summer flowers, she smelled like safety.

"I missed you too mom" She said and felt her mother's arms thigtening around her, Santana cleared her throat and Quinn pulled off the hug.

"I am going to leave your bags here, I am just a phone call away you know that, I love you bastard, call me if you need anything" Santana said and Quinn nodded and hugged her.

"Thank you for, for everything" Santana nodded pulled off the hug and walked away.

Her mom took her bags and walked in the blonde followed suit and as soon as she crossed the front door her mind flooded with memories of her childhood, her life in Lima and Rachel mostly Rachel, she saw her smiling and pinned up against the door, up in a kitchen counter, running around the living room, laughing, she shook her head and took a deep breath she didn't know how she was going to survive this.

"Are you hungry Quinnie?" her mother asked with a soft voice and she just shook her head, Judy smiled and nodded "Let's get your bags to your room then, I haven't touched it in years so it might be a little dusty, I apologize but it was just difficult for me to go in there" Quinn felt pain in her chest and she swore to herself in that moment that she would be a better daughter from now on.

they stood outside of the closed door it was already scary for Quinn she knew that behind that door were a million memories, a million pictures and a million old feelings waiting patiently for her, she looked up then to her mother's eyes.

"I am sorry mom, I am sorry for being such a shitty daughter in the past years, I was in a bad place and I am sorry" Judy's eyes filled with tears again, Quinn wrapped her arms around her mother and kissed her cheek "I promise I'll be better from now on ok?" she felt the older woman nod.

"Your dad will be here in about half an hour, he misses you too" Quinn nodded and bit her bottom lip.

"I know" she whispered "let me know when he gets here", Judy smiled and nodded.

"I'll let you get settled then" the younger blonde smiled and nodded.

"Thank you mom"

"You're welcome sweetheart" Judy walked away and Quinn took a deep breath and looked straight into the door again, her heart wanted to beat out of her chest, she placed her right hand on the door knob, looked up and begged for strenght.

She walked in slowly, turned the light on and suddenly she was 15 again, everything was the same, her bed, the covers... The pictures, her bottom lip quivered and tears started to rush out of her eyes, her past hit her like a tone of bricks in the head.

Rachel was everywhere even in the color of the walls, she remembered it all perfectly.

"You should paint it pale pink baby, it goes perfectly with the yellow of my room" Quinn could still hear her voice like it had been yesterday, she sat on the bed and let her feelings take over her, her hands covering her face, catching every tear that fell out.

After a few minutes she recovered her breath, cleaned her face and got up the bed opened her old closet and lost it again, Rachel's old clothes piled up next to hers, and the old post it Rachel glued on the first drawer.

"Good morning beautiful! P.S I love you and your cute lion head in the morning" Quinn's knees gave out she fell on them and sobbed, it had been a long time since she let her feelings take over her and now they were stronger, she could feel all the love in her chest, she could feel it like the first day she set eyes on the girl, like the first time they got intimate, like everytime she touched her she could feel it in her whole body running through her veins, pumping in her heart.

"Quinn honey... Oh my God, what's wrong baby?" her mother rushed kneeled down beside her and wrapped her baby girl in her arms "Quinnie talk to me honey. what is wrong?"

"I love her, I love her so much mom, I still do... I love her" Judy nodded as she placed her daughter's head on her chest.

"I know sweetie, it's ok, you're going to be ok" she repeated over and over again as she ran her hand up and down her back.

"He's dead, her dad is dead and I didn't have time, I didn't told him and now it's too late, and..."

"Shh... I know baby, calm down, you're here now and that's what matters, I am going to be there every step of the way now Quinn you'll never have to deal with anything on your own again, I am here baby and I will be with you as long as you want me to" Quinn hugged her tighter.

"I am so sorry mom, for the drugs and for everything, I am so, so sorry" Judy smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead.

"I am the one who is sorry honey, you're good now, everything's going to be ok" Judy rocked her and hummed like she used to when her girl was a baby, Quinn felt herself relaxing a little "you should go to sleep baby you've had a long day and... Just try to sleep ok?, I'll talk to your dad and you can say hi tomorrow" the blonde nodded.

"Thank you mom" Judy smiled and caressed her cheek.

"I love you Quinn and I am so glad you're finally home" Quinn nodded.

"I love you too and I'm happy to be here aswell" Judy kissed her forehead again and walked toward the door.

"Try to sleep ok?" Quinn nodded and her mother walked out the door and closed it behind her, the blonde walked to her bed and fall into it, she dragged herself to the back of the bed kicked her shoes off and pulled the covers over her.

It was impossible to sleep she was nervous, scared, hurt, she was feeling it all and she didn't know what to make of it, she didn't know what to do or say.

At some point sleep took over her body, she woke up with soft knocks on her door, it took her a minute to realize where she was, her mother was already standing up beside her bed.

"Good morning honey, I didn't want to wake you up but Santana is down stairs" Judy cleared her throat and looked away "I think the funeral is in an hour or so" Quinn's chest contracted again and her stomach revolved.

"Tell her that I'll be down in 15 minutes please" Judy smiled and nodded.

Quinn dragged her body to the bathroom and took a quick shower, got her black dress and heels on, put a little make up and ran down.

"San" she said.

"About time!" her friend replied, Quinn smiled "let's go" the blonde shook her head no "what you mean no?"

"I can't" she said then she felt a familiar strong hand on her shoulder.

"Yes you can Quinn, you can do it all I should have told you that a lot of years ago but now that you're here and that I have the chance I am telling you, you are brave and you are the strongest person I know and I am so proud of you" Quinn's blood rushed to her feet, she felt dizzy.

"Dad" Russell turned her around softly and hugged her.

"I am so happy to see you again Quinn, it would take me a life time to tell you how sorry I am, I love you and I am so happy that you're here" Quinn's body and brain were a mess, far too many feelings for just a woman.

"Thank you dad" she whispered and he smiled, nodded and let her go.

The blonde took a deep breath and nodded "ok... Ok let's go before I change my mind and run away" Santana nodded and took her hand.

Santana's arm was wrapped tightly over her shoulders, they were standing outside of the building, as soon as the brunette opened the door Quinn lost her battle with the tears again, the first person she saw was the tall, dark skinned man standing beside the coffin, she could only imagine what he was feeling, her heart went out to him and she wanted nothing more than to run and hug him, beg for forgivness and tell him how much she loved them both and how much she regretted everything that happened and...

Then, then she saw her, the tiny brunette girl appeared out of nowhere beside the tall man, she was wearing a tight black dress, her hair fell down her shoulders like a cascade and Quinn lost her breath all over again just like the first day, she didn't know she was crying until she felt Santana's hand cleaning her face.

"Are you ok?" Quinn nodded.

"As much as I can be... She's still so beautiful San" Santana looked away, sighed and dragged her best friend to the corner.

"We're here for you to close a cycle, for you to talk to Leroy and tell him everything you didn't tell him before, we're here to say good bye to Hiram and to let go of the past Quinn don't get into this again" Quinn bit her bottom lip and looked for the girl again but she wasn't there anymore then she looked at her friend again.

"I still love her San you have no idea last night when I was in my room..." she felt a warm hand on her arm, her body erupted in goosebumps, her heart dropped to her knees, she instantly knew who it was.

"Quinn?..."


	3. Second chances

Quinn saw Santana frown, shake her head and look away "this can't be happening" she muttered, the blonde took a deep breath and slowly turned around.

What she saw destroyed her in every way good and bad, old wounds opened up, her chest filled, her heart stopped beating and she didn't remember how to breath, she instantly got lost in deep brown eyes they swallowed her, wrecked her and saved her all at the same time, she felt dizzy, her brain stopped working instant tunel vison.

Rachel bit her bottom lip, the blonde's right hand trembled as she reached to catch a lone tear that slid down the girl's cheek with her thumb this felt like a dream, the brunette smiled, leaned into the touch, took a step forward, hesitated for a minute then wrapped her arms around her ex lover's neck and let the sobs wreck her body, Quinn's arms instantly wrapped around the tiny waist, her nose found the familiar place behind Rachel's ear, she inhaled and it was like coming home after years of being gone, like waking up, like coming back to life, tears fell off her eyes uncontrollably, she was feeling everything in that moment, the way Rachel's body fit perfectly with hers just like two pieces of the same puzzle, it was magical, it was home...

"I am so glad you're here, I've missed you" Rachel whispered into her ear, the way her voice cracked made Quinn's heart break, she tightened her grip on her waist and closed her eyes, she wanted this moment to last forever but at the same time she wanted to run, run as fast and as far away as she could, she was terrified, she knew that she would never be able to survive if she lost her again, she knew that the girl between her arms was by far the worst drug she had ever tried and God damn it she was fucking addicted, she also knew that if she let Rachel in again it would be the death of her either in the best or worst of the ways.

Quinn tried to fight her instincts her brain and every nerve of her body were screaming to run but her heart and the bigger part of her were begging her to stay and to never let Rachel go away again, her old self destructive ways kicking in, they had hurt each other more than any other human ever could, the blonde knew it was her fault yet the thing she wanted most in the world was to spend the rest of her life by her side, apologize, tell her that she still loved her with everything she got, she took a deep breath Rachel's body wash flooded her system and her self control went flying out the window.

"I am sorry" she whispered back "I am so, so sorry" she felt Rachel's arms grip her neck tighter, it was so difficult to breath, to think...

"Quinn" she heard Santana's distant voice behind her "I think we should go see Leroy" Quinn's eyes were still closed, she was lost in the moment, she felt herself getting lost in the girl again, she knew that she should never let that happen again but she was weak, the girl was her biggest weakness, besides it wasn't a choice, loving Rachel was never a choice "Quinn let's go" the blonde felt Rachel's arms letting go of her neck, she wanted nothing more than to hug her again and never let go, she shook her head, took a deep breath, gathered every bit of strenght she had left and let go, she looked down because she knew that if she looked into those eyes again she would never be able to control herself.

"I am sorry about your father Rachel" Santana gave her a sympathetic look, took the blonde's hand and dragged her away.

"What are you doing?" she whispered Quinn's hands were still trembling, her heart pumped hard in her chest, her body felt numb and her mind was so clouded, she regreted a lot of things, but most of all she regreted losing Rachel.

"I don't know" she whispered, Santana bit her bottom lip and looked up.

"You don't know, where's your ring?" the blonde's stomach dropped to her knees, she hadn't think about it since yesterday's morning, God what was she doing.

"I... I forgot it in New York" Santana nodded.

"You forgot it" Quinn sighed as she tried to control herself, she didn't know what was going on in her own mind, she was confused and so sure at the same time it was so difficult "Amy is a great girl and she doesn't deserve any of this Quinn and neither does Rachel, I say you go and talk to Leroy, say everything you have to say and then we'll go home, I won't let you do anything that you'll regret later, ok?" the blonde nodded, breathing was so hard.

"I..." Santana shook her head furiously and lifted her hand to silence the other girl.

"Look Amy doesn't deserve this and to be honest..." Quinn's face was covered in tears again, Santana's heart break a little so she softened her voice and put her hand on top of Quinn's "I promised you once that I would never let you do anything stupid again and I won't, so go over there talk to Leroy say everything you need to say, close the cycle, say good bye to Hiram let go of Rachel and the past I know it's difficult, but I think you have to, then... Then we'll go back to New York and everything will be alright, you'll be alright" the blonde nodded and cleaned her face with her right hand, she hated that she was doing this, that her heart was doing this to her, she hated the way she was feeling, she was engaged for fucks sake yet she was still so stupidly in love with another woman.

"You're right" the blonde whispered and Santana nodded.

"I've been told" the blonde nodded and Santana smirked "ok, now go do your thing" Quinn took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

* * *

><p>Talking to Leroy was one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life, he looked defeated like there wasn't anything else for him in the world Quinn's heart clenched because she knew that feeling far too well, his head was almost white and his face was covered in wrinckles, there was nothing left of the scary, tough man she knew when she was fifteen but she had said everything she wanted to say, she apologized and told him that she loved him, that she loved them both so much and he said that there was nothing to forgive that he loved her too and that he was proud and to be honest it was everything Quinn had wanted to hear in the past 6 years of her life relief washed over her, she felt that wound sealing and that made her chest warm a little.<p>

Santana wrapped her arm around her waist and guided her to the exit "are you ok?" Quinn just nodded, she was exhausted already, the only thing she wanted was to lay down and just stop thinking for a few hours.

* * *

><p>Quinn fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow, she felt a hand on her cheek but she couldn't open her eyes, she felt so tired.<p>

"Honey?" she heard her mother's voice.

"Yeah" she whispered with a raspy, sleepy tone.

"There's someone down stairs that wants to talk to you, I wanted to get her to go because I didn't think that it was a good idea but with everything that happened... I just couldn't do it, what, what should I tell her?" Quinn frowned, sat up and tried to rub the sleep off her eyes.

"Is it Santana?" Judy bit her bottom lip and shook her head.

"Rachel" she whispered, Quinn's heart jumped in her chest, instant butterflies danced all over her body, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to say, she moved her head and Judy sighed.

"I'll tell her to come up" she said and walked out the door, Quinn jumped out off the bed and started to pace the room, this isn't happening she thought, I am dreaming I must be dreaming.

"Hi" she heard Rachel's timid voice and her body froze "I am sorry for just showing up, it's just that... God... I wanted to say thank you for coming today, my dad loved you and... Well I wanted to say thank you and I didn't know if I would ever have the chance again so I decided to come here... I hope it's ok" Quinn's face was pale as a ghost's, she didn't remember how to speak, she didn't want to turn around because she knew that if she saw that face again... She shook her head, she had to stop thinking, she took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump at the back of her throat, she decided that she was going to do the right thing, she thought about Amy, Rachel and about everything that had happened, she took a deep breath closed her eyes and decided to talk.

"I loved him Rachel, I love them both so you have nothing to thank me for... Absolutely nothing" she heard the brunette clear her throat.

"God... Uhm I should probably go" she said then Quinn heard steps and sighed, she heard the door closing and she felt like a part of her body was missing again, she cleaned her face turned around and lost the battle with the tears once again, Rachel was leaning in the door she had tears running down her face and her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth.

The blonde shook her head and looked up this couldn't be happening, she saw Rachel's mouth open and close a few times then she heard that beautiful voice again.

"I can't go... Not now I... I don't know when will I see you again or if I ever will see you again, so I have... I have to talk to you, I have a million things to tell you... I have a million things that I want to hear" Quinn had dreamed about this probably a million times and now that it was happening she didn't know what to do, she thought about Santana and how she was always telling her that she had to close cycles to let the past go so that's what she was going to do, she had to, she took a deep breath and nodded, she was decided to beg Rachel for forgiveness because she couldn't live with that in the back of her mind all the time besides she knew that it was the only way she would be able to heal herself completely.

"I... I have a million things to tell you too" she said with a barely audible whisper, she saw Rachel smile and she had to look up because she didn't want to mess up and God it was so easy to mess up, the blonde took a deep breath and started to speak.

"Six years ago... Six years ago I did the stupidest thing that I've ever done in my life and there hasn't been a day that I don't regret it because you were..." the blonde cleared her throat and looked down "Are the love of my life, I should've care about you more, I should've grow a pair and deal with my pain in any other way..." her voice cracked and Rachel sat on the bed with tears running down her cheeks "I was young and stupid... And so scared, Rach... I was so scared of losing you, I had already lost my sister my parents were like zombies and you...You were the only thing that was left and I was scared and I took the cowards way out... I used drugs to forget about reality, I used drugs to be happy again and be able to make you happy again, stupid... I know but for me it made sense at the time, I didn't want to lose you Rach you were the only thing that I cared about back then... And I lost you anyway because I left the drugs take over me, take over my life" the blonde put both of her hands on her face and sobbed uncontrollably.

About 5 minutes passed till Quinn calmed down enough to speak again, she cleaned her face and looked at the brunette in front of her.

"I regret that every fucking day of my life" Quinn shrugged her shoulders, bit her bottom lip and looked away "I am so sorry Rachel for letting that happen to me... To us, for making you unhappy, for making you deal with me and my stupid addiction for breaking all of my promises of always making you happy, I am so stupid, and I will always regret what I did, sadly I can't change the past and I will always regret hurting you the way I did but I want you to know that I loved you... I still Love you with my whole being and I probably always will... I am sorry" Quinn's heart exploded into a million tiny pieces again, her tears were running down her face like a cascade, she never understood why Rachel made her feel eveything at once it was like a thunderstorm of feelings.

"I am sorry too... I should have helped you more, I should've tried to..." the brunette got up and stood in front of her, Quinn put her index finger on the girl's lips.

"Shh... You did what you were supposed to do Rach, you did the right thing for you and you shouldn't be sorry, I want you to know that you didn't do anything wrong, you left me because I was toxic, I wasn't making you happy, I was slowly killing myself and dragging you with me you just did what was right, don't ever be sorry for that, besides... That's what made me get better in the end, I just wanted to get better, to be healthy again for you, to be the person that you fell in love with again and I fought so hard, it was difficult but I did it and it's because of you, so you should feel happy instead because you helped me, your love helped me even if you weren't there physically, you were always here and here" the blonde signaled her brain and her chest she looked down and bit her bottom lip she didn't want to start sobbing again, she felt warm hands on her cheeks, her whole body shivered, Rachel lifted her face and made her look at her straight in the eyes and the blonde got lost again, she wanted to move, God she wanted to but she couldn't, the brunette smiled and Quinn knew she had lost, she leaned down and locked their lips for the first time in years, it was like the fourth of july a million fireworks, the warmth all over, the feelings, the intensity.

Quinn wrapped her arms around her waist just like she did earlier bringing her closer always closer it was never enough, never had been.

They were lost in a battle of tongues and teeth, years of repressed passion finally released, the brunette moaned as Quinn lifted her up just like she always used to and made her straddle her hips she cupped her ass cheeks and swallowed the guttural moan that escaped the back of the other girl's throat, their bodies were shaking in need, a pool of wetness between their legs it was like the first time and like every time after that, it was like being on top of the world, like their on little piece of heaven on earth.

Quinn sat on the bed and Rachel instantly pushed her down by the shoulders, Quinn opened her eyes she was sure this was a dream, it just couldn't be happening, she felt soft delicious lips kissing her neck, her earlobe, jawline, and every bit of skin they could find and she remembered, she remembered what making love was like, what being home felt like.

Rachel got to her lips again and the former cheerleader was lost, she couldn't think she could only feel.

"I love you, I am so sorry" Quinn whispered again and again between kisses, Rachel sobbed and tried to kiss back but it was proving impossible so she wrapped her arms around her lovers neck instead.

This felt so right but Quinn knew that it shouldn't be happening, her brain was screaming to stop yet her heart was begging her to stay, she swallowed hard and sobbed, her body was a mess, her brain was a mess and so was her heart.

The blonde pushed Rachel softly off her but the girl wouldn't move.

"We... We can't do this" Quinn sobbed again and Rachel kissed her all over.

"Why?" she breathed out and the blonde's tears rolled down her face.

"I am engaged" she whispered, it hurt, Rachel got off her fastly, she crossed her arms on her chest, looked down and bit her bottom lip, Quinn felt like a million daggers were stabbing her in the chest.

"Wow... I... I should probably go" the brunette said, she grabbed her purse and started to walk toward the door but then stopped and looked back "are you in love with her?" she whispered and Quinn wanted to throw up, she looked anywhere but at Rachel "Quinn?" she said.

"I care about her..." she said and the brunette shook her head.

"That wasn't what I asked" Rachel said with conviction in her voice.

"I am" Quinn lied and Rachel walked closer to her.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that you love her and I swear that I will walk out that door and never come back again" the blonde took a deep breath and looked away.

"I can't..." the blonde cried out and Rachel kissed her deeply again.

"Do you know why I'm here?" she asked millimeters away from the blonde's mouth and Quinn shook her head "the last conversation I had with my father was about you, that's why I decided to talk to you today, because of him and me... I love you, I won't deny that I was hurt and angry but... I love you and I've never stopped, I haven't had a serious relationship in six years, yeah I have casual dates but nothing serious because it just doesn't feel right... They aren't you..." the brunette sobbed and Quinn was fighting her own tears she felt like her chest was bursting open "He knew Quinn, he knew that I missed you everyday, that I still love you and he told me that love was the most important thing in the world, that what you and I had was rare, that a love like ours was rare, he told me we-we were lucky and he told me that if I had already forgave you that I should look for you and see what happened, so that's what I am doing, I believe in second chances Lion and I think, I think we deserve one" the nickname made Quinn shiver it had been years since Rachel called her that for the last time, it brought a smile to her face and oh so many memories.

"Brownie..." She whispered and Rachel nodded, smiled and kissed her softly "I want to do this the right way Rach, I need... I need to talk to Amy first, I..." the brunette rubbed her nose on Quinn's cheek. and put her index finger on her mouth just like she had done earlier.

"Shh... I know... I know we've already waited six years Quinn, we survived six years I think we can wait a few more days..."


	4. Friendship

Quinn opened her eyes slowly the next morning, Rachel was curled up next to her she felt her heart skip a beat at the sight the memories of all the years they spent together and of the last hours rushed to her mind, she bit her bottom lip as a smile formed on her face, she looked down and she thought, she thought hard about everything that will happen next, she thought about it all, then she looked back at the beauty next to her, she felt so confused, happy, sad, so enamored, so... Hard knocking on the door took her out of her trance.

"Quinn come on we have to go" she heard the door openning and she instantly jumped out of bed, Santana's face went blank as she looked at them back and forth "what?" she whispered, Quinn cleared her throat and looked down "what the fuck did you do?" she asked, Quinn opened and closed her mouth but no sound came out "you've got to be fucking kidding me" she said a little bit louder, Rachel sat quickly on the bed and rubbed her sleepy eyes, the blonde bit her bottom lip just because that was the cutest thing she had ever seen, Santana growled.

"San..." Quinn whispered and the brunette just shook her head.

"I'm out" she lifted her hands up and walked out the bedroom, the blonde saw her go then looked back at Rachel.

The brunette got up the bed and walked toward Quinn, the blonde tried so hard to suppress her smile but she failed, she failed so hard.

"So... What happens next?" Rachel asked with a cute little voice that sounded so vulnerable, Quinn caressed her cheek, kissed her forehead and took a deep breath.

"I... Rach... I am engaged and I need" she cleared her throat and looked away because she saw Rachel's lips quiver and her eyes watered a little, she knew that she would never be able to speak if Rachel cried she would just lean down and kiss the life out of her but she knew that she had to do it right this time, she had messed up far too many times before in her life, she wouldn't let that happen again not when it came to Rachel.

"I need to do the right thing, she is a great woman and I think she deserves to at least know what is going on... Look... I-I don't know if we- I think that we should take things slow, to slow down to baby steps, we need to get to know each other again, we need to have a lot of talks and we need to first be friends again" a single tear rolled down the brunette's right cheek and Quinn caught it with her thumb "I need to do it right Rach, for me, for you, for us, and- and for her... We need to do it right this time, we need... What happened last night..." she sighed, looked up and begged for strenght.

"I need to talk to her first, I need to apologize and... And then we-we will if you still want to of course" Rachel chuckled as she cleaned another tear with her left hand.

"Of course I want to Quinn" she whispered and Quinn smiled, she felt warm all over.

"Then... Then we will get to know each other again, we will relearn each other, we have to start over from scratch I think we both deserve it and I think that it is the smart thing to do, I have done everything wrong for a long, long time and I- I really don't want to screw this up, I want to do everything right from now on I need to do everything right with you... With us" she smiled down at Rachel "so I need to know if you're ok with that because..."

"Shh" Rachel put her index finger over her lips "it's ok we can go as slow as it goes just..." Quinn looked at her with a confused expression on her face "will you" the brunette cleared her throat, blushed and looked away "will you kiss me one last time before we start being friends and taking baby steps?" she whispered Quinn smiled, caressed the cheek of the beautiful girl in front of her and locked their lips again, and it felt like heaven.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes the girls made it downstairs Santana was sitting on the couch with her head buried between her hands, Judy was blatantly avoiding their eyes and Russell was nowhere to be seen.<p>

Quinn looked at Rachel and gave her a warm smile, the brunette smiled back.

"Can you write your phone?" Rachel whispered as she handed Quinn her cellphone.

The blonde quickly tapped it out and then gave the phone back, Rachel smiled and looked down.

"I think I should go" Quinn felt that familiar pain inside her chest but she nodded anyway, they walked toward the front door, the blonde opened it and Rachel wrapped her arms around her neck "thank you" she whispered and the former cheerleader shivered.

"No...Thank you" she whispered back, Rachel kissed her cheek and walked to her car, Quinn watched her go with a smile on her face because for the first time in a long, long time she felt hope.

* * *

><p>Quinn said good bye to her parents with a promise to call and come visit more often she hugged them and climbed onto the car, she was sitting in the back seat with her nephew by her side again, Santana had a frown on her face and her bottom lip tightly gripped between her teeth, the blonde took a deep breath and focused on the beautiful baby with expressive blue eyes and messy brown hair.<p>

"I just can't believe you Quinn" Santana said as soon as the car started moving, Quinn had heard statements like that the whole morning, she honestly was tired, she opened her purse bit her bottom lip and decided to turn her phone on it instantly started vibrating on her right hand.

Amy:

-Jenna just called me, what's wrong?, call me when you can. X.

-Quinn where are you?

-What the fuck is going on?

-Seriously...

-I'm flying home and you better be there with a great excuse.

-Quinn...

-I swear to God Quinn I will kill you when I see you.

-Please answer... Please.

Quinn felt her chest contracting, she felt guilt wash over her she just felt like the worst human being in the world.

"So you've decided to finally confront reality I see" Santana said "she's been calling me non stop since yesterday morning, she doesn't deserve this, she really doesn't" Quinn sighed and felt her eyes fill with tears.

"Let it go Santana" Brittany's sweet, comforting voice said.

"Just... I don't know, I can't, I can't believe it" the brunette took a deep breath and focused on the road again.

Quinn knew of course she knew Amy didn't deserve any of this she was such a good woman and that's why Quinn had to let her go, she had to let her go because she didn't deserve to be with someone that didn't love her like she deserved to be loved, the blonde sighed.

"I don't know what I am going to do" Quinn whispered she couldn't raise her voice the knot at the back of her throat was too big, Brittany looked back straight into her eyes and smiled.

"Just do what your heart tells you to do, follow your heart Quinn that's what is going to make you happy in the end, if you feel like being with Rachel is the right thing then go for it, just... Amy she just, she doesn't need to be in the middle of this so I say you talk to her, tell her exactly how you feel and then make a decision" Quinn nodded and cleaned her face, she was so emotionally drained already.

"You're right" the blonde breathed out and Brittany nodded with a smile on her face.

"Usually am" she said Santana chuckled and Quinn smiled.

* * *

><p>Quinn had been standing in front of her appartment door for probably 20 minutes now, her suitcase was close to her, she took a deep breath, looked up and opened it.<p>

"Quinn?" she heard the soft voice.

"Yeah" she replied, Amy ran quickly to the living room, she was wearing a pair of shorts, a baggy shirt and a messy bun with her silky red hair, her long legs that went on forever, her beautiful gray eyes, the pale skin Quinn swallowed hard, looked down and dragged her suitcase with her into the house.

"Where were you?" she asked and the blonde sighed.

"Lima" she actually heard Amy swallow, her heart was beating so hard inside her chest, her hands were shaking and her mouth went instantly dry.

"What" Amy cleaned her throat "what were you doing in there?" Quinn looked down and started to play with her fingers.

"An old friend died" the blond looked up and swallowed hard.

"Who?" she asked softly.

"Hiram" Amy wrapped her arms around her waist and shook her head.

"Hiram as in Rachel's dad?" Quinn nodded slowly and bit her bottom lip.

"Did you... Did you see her?" the blonde nodded again and Amy's eyes filled with tears "did you cheat on me?" she asked and Quinn wanted to throw up, her mind was clouded she walked to the nearest couch and sat down because she felt like she was going to pass out.

"I..." Quinn cleared her throat and looked everywhere but at Amy "we kissed" Amy sighed and started to pace the room.

"Did you fuck her too?" she screamed and Quinn shook her head furiously.

After a few minutes the redhead calmed down and sat next to Quinn "do you still love her?" she whispered and the blonde's tears started to fall down her face.

"I'm so sorry" she cried out, Amy got off the couch again she started to walk and scream things Quinn didn't know what she was saying she could just catch a few words like unbelievable, hurt, all this years, Rachel always Rachel...

Amy kneeled down in front of Quinn "did you ever loved me?" she asked and the blonde felt a million stabs on her chest.

"I do, I love you" Quinn cried out, Amy nodded and cleaned her face.

"Are you in love with me?" the blonde's lips quiver and she had to look away, she bit her bottom lip and shook her head slightly, it hurt a lot but she couldn't lie.

Amy sighed, stood up, took her ring off and throw it at Quinn's face.

"I hope you know that she's going to leave your sorry ass again Quinn and guess what I won't be there when that happens, I hope you realize that you're making the biggest mistake of your life, I hope you know that as soon as things start to get hard she's going to run as fast and as far away as she can" Amy screamed at her grabbed her purse and started to walk out the door "I'll send someone to get my things tomorrow" she said and closed the door with a loud bang.

Quinn buried her head between her hands, she felt relieved but so misserable at the same time, she felt like the worst person in the planet but she knew that she was doing the right thing even if things never worked out with Rachel, Amy deserved to be with someone that loved her like she deserved.

The blonde heard soft knocking on the door, she sighed cleaned her face a little and opened it.

"Hey" Santana whispered Quinn instantly wrapped her arms around her best friend's neck and started to cry again.

"Shh... It's ok" Santana kept whispering into her ear, she pushed a little until they were both inside the appartment and closed the door behind her.

"Did you talk to her?" Quinn nodded as Santana ran soothing circles on her back "how did it go?" the blonde sighed and hugged her tighter.

"She... She just left, she hates me" Quinn cried out and the brunette nodded.

"It's ok, it's ok it needed to happen, you're going to be ok, everything's going to be ok".

* * *

><p>Two hourse later they were sipping coffee and talking non stop about Quinn's feelings.<p>

"Look... I am sorry about how I reacted earlier, just..." the brunette cleared her throat "I love you Quinn, I love you like the sister that I never had, I know that maybe I don't show it but... I love you and I care about you so much, I don't want you to get hurt again, you do stupid things when you're hurt" Quinn nodded and smiled as she reached for her best friend's hand "just promise me that you're not going to rush into things, that you're going to be careful and just think, think before you fucking act" the blonde laughed and cleaned her face.

"I promise" she said and Santana squeezed her hand and nodded.

"I have to tell you this even if I think that you already know, I understand Rachel, I really do, I know why she left, I understand her reasons, I am in no way saying that what happened was her fault or anything like that but that doesn't mean that I like her... Just you should have seen yourself Quinn... It was heartbraking" Santana sobbed and Quinn moved closer to her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders "you were so b-broken, you wanted to die and it hurt a lot, so please, please just promise me that you're smart enough to not repeat the story, I trust you and I know that you're going to do the right thing, you're good now, you're happy, you're healthy and I want you to stay that way, got me?" the blonde nodded.

"Say it bitch" Quinn laughed.

"I promise San" the brunette nodded and Quinn kissed her cheek.

"Don't fuck it up ok?" she said as she got up the couch "I have to go Brittany and Matt are probably going crazy without me, so I better go... Don't beat yourself up too much about Amy ok? it's... This was going to happen anyway, I think it's better that way, so just take some alone time and figure out your shit" Quinn nodded and smiled then she heard her cellphone ring on her purse, she took it out and her heart stop beating for a second.

Unknown

-Hey, is it too soon to text? I just I have a lot to say, I couldn't talk much last night :). Rachel.

Quinn smiled her brightest smile then looked up to Santana the brunette just sighed and shook her head.

"Take it slow Quinn!" she screamed as she went out the door, the blonde heard it close and went to lie down on the couch, she didn't know what to write, she typed and erased her answers far too many times.

-Hi. Q.

Was all she answered, she was nervous, she felt like a teenager all over again, her phone vibrated on her hands seconds later.

Rachel:

-It is too soon, isn't it? :(.

Quinn shook her head even if Rachel wasn't in the room.

-No, not at all... I just I didn't know what to say. Q.

Rachel:

-How about you start by telling me how did the trip go.

* * *

><p>They texted until Quinn fell asleep with the phone still in her hands and the warmest of the feelings on her chest.<p>

* * *

><p><span><em>This chapter is shorter because this is where the story of faberry being apart ends, they're not in a relationship yet, they still have a long way to go, thank you so much for reading.<em>


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